Chaya , your mother whom I had known from 1957, was an extraordinary person who evolved intellectually and emotionally as she met many challenges in her life. She was a person who would never accept a defeat. She did her best as a wife , mother ,a sibling and a friend of many extending her spirit of love and friendship. She loved you and your brother Gowtham so much that I can’t imagine how much she would have suffered your absence while you were away . Whatever may be the uniqueness of your experience of her as your dear mother, there is a universal pattern of a mother’s love. Kailasam once wrote -“ Maddest of all love is a mother’s love.
Beautifully written. It must have been tough. I know it was tough for me to write about the day my dad died. It is clear and yet parts are fuzzy. Wrapping one’s head around a parents loss is never easy but writing helps soothe the grief. Thanks for writing. It’s a lovely photograph of your mum.
Amit keeps making a point to record one’s parents while they are around. Who will have a heart to listen to voices when the speakers are not around anymore? That would be a an open wound that is incurable because of the possibility of listening to them once again and a surety of immeasurable hurt afterwards.
These days I am seeing the human part of parenting that is imperfect and horrible at times. Not all parents are worth missing is what I am saying. Blasphemous? Maybe. True? certainly.
I prefer unreliable narrators and I have still not come around the idea of parents aging. I did not think you will write about this. You did, and you broke me.
Btw - the idea of completely moving out from everyone’s life and not be remembered is the ideal state to be in. I achieved peak ‘no whatsapp message on birthday or new year’ in 2017 with some leaks in between. It is the best.
Thank you for writing this Pritam. A parent’s loss and the day it happens - it’s differently etched for each one of us. And through a lot of words - I could read through that sense of unspoken nothingness , that lump in the throat that forms especially if you r travelling back, knowing very well that a part of your being has now transitioned into a memory .
What a beautiful, joyful pic of your mother! Thank you for sharing your experience of her loss.. I feel seen in your words. Especially these -
"But then, why do I hope that people will just forget that I existed, while here I am grasping at memories to remember more of my time with my mother, forcing her to live on in my memories?"
This is beautiful, Pritam. It's the authenticity of your narration that is really striking. Momentous grief does have a habit of making things feel unreal. You convey that in striking terms. Losing a parent is incredibly hard. Wish you love and a world of strength.
Beautiful, heartfelt essay; thank you for writing and sharing it with us. “Sometimes, it’s not just the presence of things in your life, but their absence that defines your experience of now.” So true! Stunning photo of your mother 🤍
I am sorry for your loss, Pritam. Its not easy talking about grief with such honesty. So much in your epilogue resonated with me. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.
Dear Pritam ,
Chaya , your mother whom I had known from 1957, was an extraordinary person who evolved intellectually and emotionally as she met many challenges in her life. She was a person who would never accept a defeat. She did her best as a wife , mother ,a sibling and a friend of many extending her spirit of love and friendship. She loved you and your brother Gowtham so much that I can’t imagine how much she would have suffered your absence while you were away . Whatever may be the uniqueness of your experience of her as your dear mother, there is a universal pattern of a mother’s love. Kailasam once wrote -“ Maddest of all love is a mother’s love.
May her blessings be upon you, as ever!
🕉🕉🕉
Jai Ganesha!🙏🙏🎉🎉
Beautifully written. It must have been tough. I know it was tough for me to write about the day my dad died. It is clear and yet parts are fuzzy. Wrapping one’s head around a parents loss is never easy but writing helps soothe the grief. Thanks for writing. It’s a lovely photograph of your mum.
Amit keeps making a point to record one’s parents while they are around. Who will have a heart to listen to voices when the speakers are not around anymore? That would be a an open wound that is incurable because of the possibility of listening to them once again and a surety of immeasurable hurt afterwards.
These days I am seeing the human part of parenting that is imperfect and horrible at times. Not all parents are worth missing is what I am saying. Blasphemous? Maybe. True? certainly.
I prefer unreliable narrators and I have still not come around the idea of parents aging. I did not think you will write about this. You did, and you broke me.
Btw - the idea of completely moving out from everyone’s life and not be remembered is the ideal state to be in. I achieved peak ‘no whatsapp message on birthday or new year’ in 2017 with some leaks in between. It is the best.
Thank you for writing this Pritam. A parent’s loss and the day it happens - it’s differently etched for each one of us. And through a lot of words - I could read through that sense of unspoken nothingness , that lump in the throat that forms especially if you r travelling back, knowing very well that a part of your being has now transitioned into a memory .
You have my heart for pouring your heart.
What a beautiful, joyful pic of your mother! Thank you for sharing your experience of her loss.. I feel seen in your words. Especially these -
"But then, why do I hope that people will just forget that I existed, while here I am grasping at memories to remember more of my time with my mother, forcing her to live on in my memories?"
This is beautiful, Pritam. It's the authenticity of your narration that is really striking. Momentous grief does have a habit of making things feel unreal. You convey that in striking terms. Losing a parent is incredibly hard. Wish you love and a world of strength.
Beautiful, heartfelt essay; thank you for writing and sharing it with us. “Sometimes, it’s not just the presence of things in your life, but their absence that defines your experience of now.” So true! Stunning photo of your mother 🤍
Thanks for sharing this Pritam. It is crazy how grief is so unique and universal alll at the same time.
I am sorry for your loss, Pritam. Its not easy talking about grief with such honesty. So much in your epilogue resonated with me. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.
Your writing drew me into a deep, silent place with every word. Thank you for writing and sharing it with us.
Hugs.
I am really sorry for your loss, Pritam. I can imagine it's been a while, but never gets easier I guess. Hope you are coping okay.
This post is so lovely. The blurring of details when such a whirlwind passes through you is too real. Could relate to it on many levels. :)